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Political Strategists Seek Support from Twilight Fans for 2016 Election

(March 29, 2013)
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WASHINGTON –  “The campaign trail never ends”, said campaign strategist Jennifer O’Hair in a Whitehouse interview last Thursday.  She, among other professionals, has been working relentlessly since Obama’s inauguration in January to uncover campaign strategies for the upcoming 2016 elections.

After months of research, O’Hair believes that she has discovered a strategy that could deliver either
candidate a winning edge.  “It will be an opportunity for any candidate to capitalize on, regardless of party affiliation.  Republican or Democrat, they could sway millions of new voters in 2016…” Said O’Hair.

These “new voters” she is referring to are the millions of 15 and 16-year-old Twilight Saga fans who will be legal voters in 2016.  O’Hair supposes that if some of these young and easily influenced Twilight fans favor one candidate, the rest will follow – capturing over 10 million Twilight voters nation wide.

O’Hare’s assistant, Brandon Smith, explained in depth how exactly they plan on mobilizing this army of voters.

“If a candidate was able to prove that they were no different from the blood sucking monsters that these young voters admire and adore, they may have a better shot at securing the presidency.”

After being asked how politicians might exploit this strategy, Smith additionally stated, “They [the candidate] would likely try to design political adds that include the Twilight cast, or even depictions of themselves feeding on their opponent.  Also, basic messages like how politicians and vampires alike hate sunlight, believe and act as though they are above the law, or their ability to seduce people into supporting them – stuff like this will likely prove most effective.”

News Brief in Related Article:
– Transylvanian Governor Wins Election by Depicting Incumbent as a Werewolf
– 8 Ways to Tell if your Parents are Vampires

– School Principal Gains Respect of Students After Filing Upper Canine Teeth (VIDEO)
A Satirical News Piece, Written by Sebastian Scholl.
-Sepp 
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