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Sebastian Scholl

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CEO Marries VP for Tax Benefits

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 (May 1, 2013)
WASHINGTON – Crowds mob the streets in celebration of Proposition 8’s enactment, federally accepting the validity of same-sex marriages.  With rainbow flags being proudly swayed above the dense throngs of newly liberated LGBT’s, and Lady Gaga tracks blasting from nearby cars stereos, today will definitely be a day fondly told to generations of adoptees to come.
Some people, though, are celebrating their new right in another way.   Benjamin Wallhurst, CEO at
Transgenic Energy, Inc, earlier today filed to “divorce his wife and marry Karl Brown.”  Brown, VP of Transgenic, has also filed for divorce from his wife. 
The motive for these actions however is far from romantic.  “In all honesty, there was very little utility, if any, in staying married to my wife, in an economic sense.  While both Karl and I plan on staying with our wives and children, the tax, insurance, and percentage benefits now offered to same-sex couples are to good to pass up!” Said Wallhurst. 
After asking Karl what his wife and children think about the new arrangements, he responded.  “Fortunately they have been extremely supportive and understanding.  At first my wife was worried about only having love hold our family together, but after I explained how marrying Karl would help us both financially and socially, while allowing us the opportunity to preserve our marriage, she was completely on board.”
After their divorces are properly executed and they elope at town hall, their former wives will begin looking for opportunities to marry as well.  This would enable them to declare income benefits from making less that $65,000 per year and having child custody. 
Related News Articles:

– Man Declares 25 Dependents on Tax Return by Running Homeless Shelter in Basement
– Transgender Couple Unsure on Whether or Not their Marriage was Same-Sex
– 18 Reasons You Should Propose to Your Roommate 
A Satirical New Piece, by Sebastian Scholl
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