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Sebastian Scholl

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Astronaut Deeply Regrets Eating Chipotle Before Take-Off

(May 2, 2013)

KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, FL – Inspired by Red Bull’s Stratos project in which Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner was sent to jump from earths’ stratosphere, Chipotle Mexican Grill has decided that they too want to participate in galactic marketing. 
After viewing multiple sponsorship requests, the gourmet burrito and taco chain took the opportunity to be a top contributor for NASA’s upcoming moon mission, LADEE.  By funding the project, NASA
allowed them to shoot both print and video advertisements featuring the Astronauts ‘Last Chosen Meal’ just 20 minutes before take off.
While Chipotle stated that they are thrilled with the results from the shoot, the Astronauts reported much different opinions. “I’ll admit, every time I’ve launched I’ve gotten an unsettling sensation in my stomach, but never before like this.” Reported seasoned astronaut Thomas Akers in a radio transmit after the successful launch this morning. 
Moments after lift off NASA’s ground team witnessed a disturbing scene through the cockpit’s cameras.  As flaming gas blew out from the bottom of the rocket, the astronauts nervously looked back and forth at one another, bracing themselves for the inevitable.  “Lets just thank god that their uniforms have a capsule helmet”, Said NASA ground technician, Harold Low. 
Related News Articles:
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       McDonald’s Debuts New Luxury Menu that Offers Meals Mead with Actual Ingredients
       WalMart Sued for Discrimination After Not Hiring Blind Woman as Security Guard 
A Satirical New Piece, by Sebastian Scholl
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