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President Obama Diffuses North Korean Tensions by Handing Over US Territories

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WASHINGTON – In an impressive display of international diplomacy, earlier today President Obama put to rest the growing tension between the US and North Korea.  While wearing a North Korean Military uniform – to show respect – aboard communist leader Kim Jong Un’s private yacht, the President offered the US territories of Guam, Puerto Rico, United States Virgin Islands, and American Samoa, in exchange for North Korea to withdraw their threats.


“America has always been considered a bully by other countries.  It is necessary that we take meaningful steps towards changing that reputation”, said the President in a press release this morning.  “We must demonstrate that America is willing to compromise and be understanding of other nations.”

Originally, Un’s goal was to launch a nuclear missile attack on the US, declaring war with the goal of obliterating our country.  However, President Obama was certain that they could meet somewhere in the middle.  He explained to Un that the US was interested in keeping their country, though; he completely understood why North Korea would want to blow us to hell.  Thus, Un, who is now very enthusiastic about future US relations, willingly accepted the offer of the four major US territories.

The peace offering has been coined Barrack’s Munich Agreement – since the President successfully appeased Kim Jong Un similarly to how democratic nations appeased Hitler by handing over Poland and Hungary in 1938.

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A Satirical News Piece, By Sebastian Scholl

-Sepp

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