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Sebastian Scholl

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Child Considered A Retard by Peers For Never Having Seen Dumb & Dumberer

RICHMOND, VA – Yesterday when 7th grade student Mary’Alice Thompson ran home from school in tears, her mother, Jane Thompson, began to question whether or not she had overprotected her children – leaving them unprepared to function in normal social settings.
Jane has never allowed her children to watch TV or movies.  Instead, she often travels with them and encourages reading, crafts, playing outside, and exploring their imaginations.  Today though, due to Mary’s incident, Jane has begun to regret her parenting decisions.
While sitting at lunch amongst friends, Mary was ignorant of the “THERE IS SHIT ALL OVER THE WALLS!” reference everyone was making from having watched Dumb and Dumberer –When Harry Met Lloyd.  When Mary asked her friends what they were talking about, she received a barrage of mockery, demeaning her for having never seen the movie.
“It was so embarrassing”, Mary told her mother. “I didn’t understand any of the fart jokes everyone was hysterically laughing at, and felt really left out.  Billy even called me names Mom!  He said to me, “You’ve never seen Dumb and Dumberer? What are you? A retard?!”” 
This was not the only time Mary’s lack of pop-culture knowledge has isolated her.  Last month, when telling a friend about her time tagging sea turtles in Baja, she was abruptly cut off by a classmate reading aloud tweets from The Jonas Brothers – immediately distracting everyone one from her unique story.
Related News Articles:
        Why Popping Your Childs Pop Culture Cherry Is Necessary
        New Tamagotchi Teaches Young Girls Mothering Skills
        Studies Suggest that Child Brain Development is Hindered by Watching the TV Show Ed, Edd & Eddy

– A Satirical News Piece, by Sebastian Scholl

-Sepp

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