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Sebastian Scholl

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Sebastian Scholl

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FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – Unable to contain their excitement, south Florida residents have begun booking tickets out of Terminal C at the Fort Lauderdale airport to be able experience the soon to come Terrazzo flooring.  Said to be the biggest thing since auto flush urinals were installed at Logan International Airport, Boston, the new Terrazzo flooring will occupy a 400 square-foot stretch between the TSA Security area and Gate C1.  “The menacingly long lines at security, constant flight delays, and unfriendly employees were really never what bothered me at FLL”, said one anxious Jet Blue customer.  “It was those damn floors that hadn’t been renovated since the last ice age.”  Airport officials proudly hung custom signage announcing the airports invaluable addition; however, worrying that they will not be able to hold back the crowds at security during the official unveiling, TSA has doubled up their staff for the upcoming week.

In Other News:
– Frontier Anticipates Adding Panda Graphic to Plane Will Boost Customer Satisfaction Levels
– Miami Airport States FLL’s Terrazzo Flooring to be a “Real Game Changer”
– TSA Denied Request to Execute Cavity Searches of Grounds that Most Americans are not Flexible Enough

Read more satirical news at The Salty Wag

(Not my best satire…but I couldn’t help thinking to myself after seeing this sign at the airport, “who *&^$$*#&^ cares?!”)

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