I like the dark. Spending time staring at nothing. It helps me see everything. My imagination sees more than my eyes do. And a black night ignites my mind like nothing else.
It’s because I’m scared of the dark. I’d always jump onto my bed from a distance when younger. It was to keep monsters from grabbing my ankles. They lived in the dark then, as well as now. Still, the dark makes me more alert – it scares me.
I like being scared. It means that I’m conscious. It means that I’m aware of the world around me. And that’s unlike when light reveals what is in front of you. In the dark the physical world is replaced. It becomes a mental world – my world.
That’s what is scary. Not seeing the world as everyone else does – but as I do. Projecting myself into a physical space. It requires me to do the design work, to create, to imagine.
It’s often said that we know ourselves better than anyone else. I disagree. I’m too distracted. But I’m trying to know myself better. It’s why I travel, write, create, and read – not to learn about the world, to learn about myself.
There are many ways to learn about oneself. And I find the dark to be one of them. Too take time, by yourself, and spend it in black. It brings out fears, making them more real. And often to the point where my skin Goosebumps as shivers travel up my spine. It’s liberating, though, when nothing grabs you.
Once I realize the fears have no provoker I allow myself to open up. And to exist as limitlessly as the darkness does, unguarded. Forgetting the rules I align my days in agreement with. Just so that I might see something in that dark that has yet to be seen by the light.
This is mediation. It’s a mental exercise. A way to look into yourself and visualize what it is you fear, love, need, want, and imagine. When a person is looking at something it’s difficult to imagine anything else but that noun they are looking at. But in the dark, you must fill that void.
Courageous people aren’t those who are fearless, they are those who act without fear. They see their fears not as limits, but as goals. And push forward towards realities unknown to themselves or others, creating new ones.
I want to be courageous – in both thought and action. And in recent years I’ve realized that it is not conquering fears that gives people courage, it is living amongst them unencumbered. Acting and thinking even in spite of that which scares you. And by doing so, seeing more clearly afterwards.