The tan military duffle that fits my few possessions has ballooned near its popping point – made fat by clothing and a few items that are prohibited on-board planes. I hurriedly tore apart my room, stuffing meaningful items into one bag and unceremoniously trashing everything else. Never again will I see those things I leave behind, or the room that has served as home; but I had to leave quickly. And the whole time I was singing to myself, “Leaving On a Jet Plane”.
I live in fantasy. Purposefully dramatizing parts of my life to give them an emotional significance and telling myself this really is what’s happing and must be dealt with. Whenever I’m packing for travel (which is always a last minute endeavor) the fantasy is apocalyptic. And I behave as though I must leave, quickly. There is no room for excess, and no time to waste. I need to be detached, I need to think sharp, and I need to get out. Yes, it is dramatic and sometimes stressful – but it’s fun.
We all live in fantasy – on some level. Dreaming of how we would act if X, Y, or Z were our reality. And while doing so those thoughts begin to influence our actions. Think of the last time you watched an action movie – The Bourn Identity, lets say. Waking out of that theater you began fancying yourself as a rouge agent. What followed? Alertness, sharper movements, an acute paranoia of being followed; you get it.
It’s become a coping mechanism of sorts for me, fantasizing. Serving as an assistant that helps fight complacency from occurring towards the everyday. It’s so easy to sacrifice choice and consciousness to routine, and by doing so become robotic in both actions and thought. And in-between those times where I’m privileged enough to not be imagining fantasies – because I’m living them – it’s the fantasying of what’s common that keeps me engaged.
Complacency frightens me – more so when seen in thought over action. And we become complacent to those things that become common. It’s not that I fear death; I just prefer the idea of being alive, being conscious, being aware. To maximize that consciousness and engagement is one of my few goals, whether it’s my mind or environment providing the stimulation. If I weren’t to, life would be dead.
It all comes down to choice. Choosing the think, dream, and act. Strengthening your mind like a muscle by putting it through ever varying exercises. Never letting it grow fat, sluggish, or passive. A gift is worthless unless you open it, and wasted unless you use it – and a mind is your greatest gift.
Making the decisions that you want to make gets contagious. It pisses people off, too. It’s not a vote – it’s a choice. And a failure is not the product of bad choices – it’s a safety net for those who fail to choose.
“Usually people say something is the best decision they’ve ever made, when actually… it’s the only decision they’ve ever made.”