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Sebastian Scholl

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Sebastian Scholl

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2888349_origTavern in the Square (TITS) is my routine on Thursdays. And last night while standing by the bar I realized that my behavior, as well as the behavior many of my peers, is limited to three standard acts. I thought I’d share those with you.

1) Trying not to appear lost: As I stand awkwardly by the bar wishing for something else, I’ll often peer at the TV’s as if they were life boats and my night the Titanic. Sometimes I’ll even squint, acting as though I actually have a keen interest in WTF is happening on the screen. I don’t watch sports. Nor do I watch music videos. And that is all that is on.

Instead of trying to mingle and talk over the music, I pretend that I come to TITS at midnight on a Thursday just to have a glass of water and watch Basketball and Beyonce simultaneously. The downside to the trying not to appear lost strategy is when someone screams in my ear “what do you think about [name] being traded”, or “are you a [team] fan”. I just look stupid unless I can fake an answer by saying the color of one team’s Jerseys.

2) Looping/Lapping: There does come a point where I feel that I’ve watched too many music videos and should really make an effort. I mean, come on, it’s my last semester of college and I’m already acting like it’s my 10th year of marriage. At that moment it’s time to either find a friend who is having as excellent a time as I am or go solo…and take a lap.

A lap is the act of walking in one large circle around the bar and acting like you’re looking for  someone specific. The reasoning behind it is that maybe, just maybe, you will be able to discover something interesting along the journey, or that by the time you return to your point of origin it will have changed drastically. There are three benefits to taking a lap:
1) You might high-five or hug someone you hadn’t seen since, like, last Thursday
2) When you return to where you started some people may think you just got there
3) Your legs will have gotten some exercise before repeating the trying not to appear lost strategy

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3) Meerkat..ing: As the night goes on I begin to worry that people realize I didn’t actually come here to watch TV. Also, after too many loops it begins to look like “the person I’m looking for” doesn’t actually exist. So then, the last act takes place. I peel my eyes away from the TV and take a loop in order to find a few people who I don’t feel self-conscious standing next to. And once I find that group, together we look like a bunch of Meerkats.

We don’t really talk, but instead just stand there. Casually moving our heads back and forth observing the environment around us. If we do try to talk though the conversation fails almost instantly. Someone will say something like, “I just can’t” or “got to love TITS!”, to which everyone responds by looking away while taking a sip of their drink.

And then…I leave.

– Sepp

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